Kung Fu with a slice of wonderbread!

I have very limited battery and so I  am limited in what i can say. I was just wondering why all Chinese people do martial arts. I believe it might be to their gymnastics programs in kindergarten or their more elaborate school yard fights. Perhaps their gym classes are just fighting/dancing lessons, because this would explain their natural ability to do hip-hop too. Then there is the possibility that they are drawn to it, like white kids are to rodeos and video games, like Brazilians to soccer, like Mexicans to pinatas, like nerds to computers. They also might have the genetic coding to make them more agile and reflexive. I want to see an Asian goalie, because this could possibly set all suspicions aside. Their bone structure alone is strengthened to karate chop boards.
So I wonder if you made a Asian black person if they would be invincible. Breed The Rock with Jet Lees offspring and you get a miracle baby. Then if they made a sandwich it would be made with Wonder bread. Oh and a side not is that i love to put high-fins in words, but they didn't want one in Wonder bread. Well that is my thoughts on kung fu and pandas are also naturals due to their Asian heredity.
The End

Selective-Seinfeldatosis

click on this picture for a demo of this!

So my last post was serious so i thought i would do a rambler. Funny thing is i am looking around at the living room at like bananas and wondering what to say.
So Seinfeldatosis is a disease where you wont date or stop dating someone for ridiculous reasons. I have a variation of this disease called Selective-Seinfeldatosis. This is when you do the same thing, but in order to convince yourself not to like them for a completely unrelated reason. I will give examples, but don't be offended, because I choose not to date them first. For one I went on a date and the girl had a lazy eye and even though I had talked to her so many times before i had never noticed. So i spent the whole date confused as to whether or not she was looking at me or not. I could have gone in for a kiss thinking she was looking at me, but really she wasn't. So I went to hug her goodnight after a long date and she refused. So I decided the lazy eye thing was a deal breaker and that was that. So the disease usually comes into effect on selective terms.

However there was a girl i liked in high-school and so I sat behind her so i could flirt more. One day in class we were taking a test and he was leaning way forward and her shirt came up in the back, and a bush popped out. After catching glimpse a bush was burned in my mind and that ruined that. I have had selective-Seinfeldatosis. I have tons of examples ranging from hairiness to makeup. I once had a major crush on a girl and then at a ward breakfast saw her with no makeup and I was shocked speechless. This disease even enters personality. I stopped dating a girl because she was too mean a couple "days" each month(period.) Then another girl would always talk in ridiculous voices all the time and i am not sure what her real voice sounds like.
So all this sounds super mean and I am not that way. I find tons of girls beautiful, but that may be a reason for still being single. And I know everyone has their moments of these symptoms. And for that I am self conscious about a mole on my left leg or about my tooth that sits crooked. I also have a calac in my hair that inhibits me from doing a fohawk. I have big gaps between my big toes and my toes are very webbed. These are just a few of my own, but i embrace them. I have a buddy who trims his eyebrows and armpit hairs. That was unrelated. But these are my thoughts. Finding a deal breaker is my best way of getting over a girl that I like or that i might like.
The end and no hating.

More Rice Crispee People.

The Rock uses body lotion. He doesn't sweat.

Wow it is Sunday morning, and what is loco is what i saw this morning. When I looked out the window, what did I see, but popcorn popping on the apricot tree. I could take a handful and make a treat, a popcorn ball that would probably smell like popcorn. Really it wasn't buttered or carameled. Then even if it was we would be dealing with ants and bugs. I like my pop secret the most, because I can hide with it and it wont turn me in or give away my hiding spot. It is a discrete snack. However it like all popcorn, says it is buttered. Some say they are super buttered, but they are the same as the normal buttered. So I would prefer it just to come with like 2 sticks of butter in each box and let me be the quantity control police.
Anyways I have no idea where popcorn cam from, but last night I watch the action movie for men, "Fast Five." I freaking love this movie for its ridiculous action and funny scenes. I always wonder those things like, "who would win in a fight between Jason Bourn or James Bond. So fast five allowed me to finally know who would win in a warehouse fight between The ROCK or Vin Deisel. Vin Deisel did, because he is the Pacifier, the Ridick, the triple x. It was a MNO a "mens night out" last night.

nothing like a gigantic rice crispee shoe

This brings me to my next thought, I need guy friends. So girls are fun, but there are so many flaky ones that don't put forth any effort. I dont want cornbread friends, I want me some good old Rice Crispies. They are sweet, but can be tough too. And no matter what stretching goes on, they come back together. They can be separate or easily become one again. And best of all they are sticky fun. I have guy friends back home that are rice crispee friends, but i have no guy friends like that here. There is no man law here. I meet cool guys and then they get girls. So I decided that i need to find dateless friends.
The young women's president for the church came here and told the girls to stop hanging out. She told them to turn us guys down unless we call and ask them on a date. So things are really getting tough here. And this is my reason for needing bros. But i want guys that are crazy and will go nuts. We went to a party the other night, and out of the 200 people there, our group of 5 was by far the craziest. People were coming over just to watch the show. Rexburg needs more wild childs.
And I want to thank all my friends that read these. It is cool to have friends like all of you. I feel like the luckiest guy at times, because I have some very loyal and loving friends and I cant thank you all enough for your awesomeness.

Gum for my Tum!

Home-slice slicing! That is the phrase i just made up for hanging with my home-slices, which are rad people. An example of this is when the ninja turtle would hang out with April O'neil or with Casey Jones. So that is what i am doing right now in the library.
I would have gone home since it is a Friday, but they said if i waited an hour they would drive me home and so here i am wasting time. I also have a headache from chewing a piece of gum too long. Now my jar is tired as well. I have been chewing gum so i don't fall asleep in classes, but i am a bit worried since i am too lazy to find a trash can most of the time and so i just swallow it. I wonder now how much gum is just chilling in my stomach. If each piece sticks around for 7 days, then i might have a whole pack in there now. That means i might have a snowball size ball of gum in my stomach.

a gum alligator. cliche'

The End

I am distracted by the distracted! Ironic

So i am quietly chilling at the library. There is a girl in front of me sitting at a computer desk, with her laptop on the keyboard of the school keyboard and it is in front of the school monitor. She is strange and to top it off she is watching "The Crosby Show". She also took her shoes off, which is cool because at least she has good taste in socks. But she has her homework out, with obviously no intention of touching it since she is watching Crosby re-runs. I decided to not even get my homework out since at the moment I have no desire to study. I have been in weekend mode since i woke up.
Also there is a kid who is using a way higher decibel amount that should be used in a library and he has sparkles on his shirt.
Another kid has his foot on the desk and his laptop on his lap. It is so distracting and he has new balance. Which is a dumb name for a shoe since new balance is not something I am looking for. It is not like i was walking to school today and almost tipped over and thought to myself, "I wish i had new balance, because my old balance is getting old and unstable." And if someone does have trouble, I doubt people are going to buy those and think, "Now i wont fall over, and now i am going to unicycle." Just saying that it doesn't work like that. I am wearing plaid shoes and they make me feel like i am having a party, but i like them most because they slide on tile.
I need to go because I think the kid next to me is leering and might find out that I am people watching, because i keep glancing at his screen and then typing stuff. I think he is slightly paranoid. I love some of you and like some of you, and would even hug the strangers who are reading this, because obviously you are bored and for that reason you need a hug. They also sell them at most grocery stores next to snickers and kisses. Snickers usually don't boost moral btw.
adios muchachos.

OK Cupid is my pond

So I am on a dating site! And it is a blast. People ask me why i have one and i say for fun, but then they look confused as if fun and dating sites dont go together. Flash, with news before it, (newsflash) they do. I went out with a black girl off of it and had a sweet time, and it was partly due to the fact i got candy on my frozen yogurt. And the sour worms and sweedish fish get wicked hard, and IDK why that is. But i have had wicked tall, small, thick, thin and middleish write me and it is cool, but what makes it fun is what you can write them.
I recently wrote this to a girl was paired with me because of my criteria. Her status said she was afraid of marriage and said she was looking for a non-creeper. I wrote her this:
"So it is too soon to ask you to marry me and I know you wouldnt from your profile. Which leaves me to eating scooby doo fruit snacks, which are awesome, and watching re-runs of Bonanza. Or you can just say hi and i will say hi back, then you can say hi again, and then we might get into quality conversations about saving whales and how we feel when we have to to watch scary movies alone. This sounds so weird and it is, but i am not. I am more just hoping you read all this and I imagine you scratching your head because you are confused and not because you have a dry scalp. I am like the toy in a cracker jack box. It is now up to you if you want to open the box and find me. I am a fun surprise. Ttyl and enjoy the caramel corn."
So will she write me? I doubt it. Am i a creeper? I probably am. Is it fun weirding people out? Why not? I do it every day and It is who I am. Why am i not married? Go figure (shrug) {I just shrugged}.

Love Bretty :-)

Thor is not my name:-(

So i started a while back writing a  new post, but woe and behold a meteor struck my house and made it impossible to post it. Bad timing? So i went to the crash sight and no aliens:-( there was a knife stuck in a rock in the center, but i couldnt pull it out. My parents did not name me Thor or Author and so i am holding my parents accountable for my lack of becoming really cool and a hero. So i came home and ate a grapefruit and then some grape nuts and then some raisins.
Now days later after days of soldering wires my computer is fixed and I am posting my tall tale. It is a tall tale solely because i am tall, not because it is not true. Although I didnt not say it was not true. I should not not tell the truth. I lied and i feel guilty.
So i am going to bed, but i wanted to say hi to all of you invisible people and I am going to go brush my teeth with some minty Colgate. peace out.