I am a Baby Dada!!!

So I am now a dad!!! On July 26th, 2015 my wife with my help had a baby boy at 7:15pm. He came into the world as purple as a Umpa Lumpa and pretty cute for having just been squeezed like a Go-gurt for 4 hours or something. However his body quickly changed into the cutest boy ever (take that Prince George of Cambridge) and it he doesn't even require suspenders to be as cute as he is (take that Prince George of Cambridge). I may be developing as of late a weird sense of competition with that prince kid.
My kid came into the world weighing 8lbs 15oz and measuring 22" long. Before I had a baby I had no clue what the significance was, but I hear that means that I have a really long and large child. He also has giant hands and giant feet which are already playing in his favor as a bball pro. He has a 6'5" father and a 6' mother and so I think he will be a pretty tall chap. If you want to begin sponsorship now then I will be much obliged and then you will be doctored in as a sponsor early.

just an example pee stick

So the whole baby thing started when my wife texted me a picture of a pee stick. I wanted to tell her not to take those out of the trash, but I had an incline that she had peed on it. Turn out she had peed on it and then I had to go research to learn the difference between a line and a plus. Turns out that a plus sign means you are a baby dada. So the journey along my wife and her fun pregnancy adventures began. She loved corn dogs during her pregnancy and I was totally ok eating a breaded pig on a stick. She had a good pregnancy minus a stomach flu that we both got. I think it turned us both inside out a few times when we were throwing up, but luckily that passed. As her due date approached and then passed, we began to discuss means of trying to induce pregnancy by 4-wheeling, jumping on a tramp, running, belly flops off the dock, and many more. Grant Tell decided he wanted to come sunday the 26th and so poked my wife's bubble so hard that it popped and all this "water" came out. He popped the "balloon" around 2:00 am and it took us till 2:30 to wrap our heads around the fact that after 9 months the baby was coming. So we went to the hospital and checked in.

Now we will fast forward like 10 min to when Megan was in her breezy hospital gown that should have moons printed on it so that it distracts from the full moon in the back. As a side note, some weird guy who had no tailoring skills designed those dumb things. Anyways so Megan is on the bed and she is barely dilated and so the nurses start her on protosin, which is one of the few drugs that causes more pain rather than less pain. So her contractions get amped up by this crazy drug and now she is in tons of pain. So for those of you who don't know my wife, she really likes being tough and so she decides to play a game where she sees how long she can stand the pain before getting an epidural. She waited a good little while, but after getting that tube inserted into her spine with the special juice, she was so relieved. I got really worried she would fall in love with the nurse who gave her the epidural, because she thought he saved her life. She just kept telling me how awesome it was and how she couldn't feel anything. I watched as he installed the tube using a sophisticated capri sun straw and a little tube. After that we sat there most the day waiting for progress and it came in tiny tiny amounts. When she got fully dilated they started the pushing. If you want details on the next part you can watch a youtube video, or ask me about it in a room with no windows. It was a neat experience and watching my baby emerge was an unforgettable experience. I got to cut the cord, which is more of a gnawing through thing then a quick snip. Then Grant was in my wife's arms. We haven't stopped staring at him since. We had lots of visitors who were so kind and generous even if they all pointed out his big hands and feet. I had big ears though and I grew into them as far as I can tell in the mirror and so he should be fine. He is seriously the cutest and most adorable kid. I love him so much already. It is now 11 days later and we are still exhausted. I want to keep this to a short story and not make it into a novel and so goodbye.

Touched & Touched and I Didn't Like it!!!

So as you can tell by the title today i was touched. However not emotionally yet (day isnt over yet), just physically. Once on the outside and once on the inside. This riddle better end here before people's imaginations run too far.

I just have to add before i go on that this is a blog worthy day!!!

True!!!

The First Touch= First thing this morning i was REALLY tired and i went down to get my munch on before i got my school day on. So i pull out my usual tasty "Cinnamon Toast Crunch" and of course a bowl, spoon, and milk since i am not some weirdo that eats it any other way. No offense mom (she puts ice cubes in her skim milk to make it cold and to water down the skim milk even more. It is almost like she grew up in great depression times where you watered everything down to make it last.). So my "Cinnamon Toast Crunch" as i was saying got put in my bowl i ate my whole first bowl and noticed something black in my milk. I had eaten a whole bowl and say several bigger black spots, but i brushed it aside assuming it to be cinnamon clumps. I picked out the last black speck and at a closer peak it was a little black ant.

can you see the little guy?

I remembered that the last few days we had had an ant problem. We had next to me some ant traps to kill them. We had to throw away a stick of butter because they were all over it (they would have died from cholesterol anyways). Then 2 days later we had to throw some other food away that they had gotten to over night. So it dawned on me that is was those ants.

These ants are tasty minus the celery

The butter sat on the counter next to the bowls. So i brushed off the fact i had eaten ants and blamed it on not checking my bowl for ants before pouring cereal. So i poured another bowl and had mild poured and noticed those dang ants again. I was so mad. I hate wasting food more than anything. I looked in the box and they were a ton in there. Curse those ants. But i had poured a bowl and so i ate it all anyways and every time i had an ant on my spoon i would eat it aggressively to teach them a lesson. Each box has 1g of protein in it and i boosted it to 2. I also shook the box hard and i think i killed the rest. I kill ants that upset me, not aunts i love them. No like ants; like aunts (covered that).
So i had ants touch my insides! Then i took the box and put a note on the cupboard that said "beware ants in cereals!". My mom just told me though that she didn't find any in any of the other cereals:-(.

What I think he was thinking! :-(

The Second Touch= I went to school. In Ochem my first class i got there early and sat down. This obnoxious gay kid (gay to be taken both ways, but not the happy gay even though he was happy today) and sat right in front of me. He then turns and begins to tell the girl next to me about his date with this guy and how it is his second date with him, and how the guy kissed him goodnight and likes cars which he said made him more attractive and on and on. Sorry for venting. Anyways in the middle of class he reaches back for his coat i assume and misses in and grabs my pants instead. I was lounging out since i was getting sleepy. When he felt my jean's fabric it must have felt wrong an so he re-grabbed it a could times and then grabbed my leg. Then we turned around and said "oh sorry", smiled and then his attention went back to the teacher.
That was my second touch.
Touching in general is nice if you expect it and if it is from people you want. I have to ride the light rail every day and i get touched by strangers too much. They cuddle up to you on the bench that is already to small. Today there were benches open all over the train and this lady insists on sitting right in my leg space. Then she kept touching  my feet with hers. Play footsie somewhere else. I wanted to say that, but instead i just kept trying to curl up more and more until i was almost inside and out. So today was a touchy touchy day.
For more blogs post like these tune in yearly.

Miss Me?

So i have never been good at multi-tasking. I tried once to eat cereal while driving to work and i got milk spilled on me every time i turned the wheel. I try to talk at text amounting in the same kind of disaster. While others like Luke my best friend growing up can read novels while driving. He drives more with his knees than with his hands. The coolest thing i can do while driving is change shorts and tie my shoes. 

This is significant because I have now been dating Megan for 9 months; and blogging and dating are hard to multi-task together. I just plain struggle with it and so if this is a lame post then just think how milk is spilling all over me while i write.

Well today is a snow day from church. They canceled church because of snow and that allowed me to have time to write. However this is as long as this is going to be, because i am going to go make a snowman. Boo ya

Excalibur i.e. not the sword in the stone!

So I was thinking about Merlin and King Arthur the other day and thought i should clarify some things. So King Arthur did not pull Excalibur out of a stone. The sword in the stone is totally different than the magic sword Excalibur. The sword in the stone just proved King Arthur's lineage. Excalibur King Arthur got from the Lady in the Lake who got it from Merlin who asked a dragon to forge it for him. However the dragon said he would only do it if King Arthur wielded it. http://merlin.wikia.com/wiki/Excalibur_(Sword) has details.


My main point in this thingy is to remove confusion and state that fact that I Brett could have also pulled the sword from the stone do to brute strength and a hardcoreness! Boo Ya!

Also I found a smurf wizard that is totally lazy, and one day at Goodwill I will find my own smurf wizard outfit and then I will be the coolest man on earth. Note also that fire red, army green, or purple popcorn are other acceptable wizard outfit colors.

Hot, Hot, Hot.

I meant to post this months ago, and it was just saved as a draft and so i am posting it now!
Why do laptops get so hot. Mine sounds like that fan i use during the summer to cool me off, but yet my lap is way hot right now. Also i have no idea what to write about. But for a news update i broke off a piece of my tooth eating guacamole and then i keep sticking my tongue where my tooth should be and that has made my tongue raw. I am in a dilemma. Then I went and played vollyball with a group of the black kids on campus and found some to be amazing and some to be bad at it. Well nothing weird is coming to mind about food or girls or animals. Those are my three main subjects and so i will try again later.

Being Whipped is Good!

I am dating again finally! I never thought I would get back into it. I figured the last time I got my heart broken that I would never date seriously again. I did meet some amazing girls, but for one reason or another things didn't progress. I was getting comfortable with the idea of being single forever. I had this bitter side that would despise people who decided to get married. I would try and talk my close friends out of getting married, because I wanted a friend to be single with for the rest of my life. I once talked to my sister about us living in the same house at age 35 if we both were still single. She started and is still dating one of my friends and so that dream faded. However things have recently developed:-). I find myself completely into a girl who makes me feel like a newbie all over again. I get nervous about little things and blush all the time. I felt like I was a pro at the whole dating thing, but I have played every hand wrong and she still goes out with me. I eat my lucky charms every morning for breakfast and everyday things continue to get more awesome. I may eat lucky charms the rest of my life if it means I get to keep spending everyday in this awesome way. I lay and fray but may fall away into a bay of twitterpation and inside giggles. I couldn't understand why people dated, but now I am so happy doing it right now that i cant imagine life another way.

So now everyday consists of Dating my dream girl, working, eating, and sometimes sleeping! Life is just awesome right now. My friends and family I think avoid me, because all I talk about is her. Such is life!
Also being whipped or totally into a girl is never a bad thing unless she is a murderer or a kleptomaniac or a red head(jk).

The Lake that swallowed my Car!

So tonight we had an insane thunderstorm with tons of rain and hail. I got home from my date and me and my roommates went to look at the nearby creek which had risen feet and had flooded a large area. So me and Ryan set out to find other creeks that may be flooded also. We did find some very flooded ones that were way cool.


On the way back home from our flood hunt past 1am I thought we could drive though the Kings Soopers parking lot near our house. I had heard the puddles got big in there. So I drive in and see a very large puddle that seemed to cover most of the parking lot. I drove for the center of it flooring the gas peddle. We hit the puddle going fast, but the water also got really deep fast. My car slowed down immediately and i watched as the water rose up to meet me. My car then started to spudder and then it died. It all happened so fast. I looked over at Ryan and our faces went from panic to laughter. We both burst out laughing! The water was up to the doors, and i kept checking to see if any was leaking in. So we looked out and there we were in the middle of a lake up to our doors in water, in the deepest part. Floating on the water is big sheets of hail. So there we were stranded laughing our heads off. I am still laughing at how stupid i was. So after we got over laughing too hard we called Ryan's brother nate to come get us. We figured we would have to jump out the window and wade through the icy water that was up past our knees to get out. So we told nate to bring towels and come to our rescue.

While still laughing and waiting for nate to show up a big lifted F-350 saw us stranded and drove over to us. When he drove up to talk to us a huge wave came and rocked the car. About an inch of water flowed in on my side of the car putting my feet in a puddle. He drove up chuckling and said "I want to believe you just parked there, but i have a feeling you did something else." He was right, because i had done a very stupid thing. So at first he suggested climbing out of the car and going under the water to attach a tow strap to pull me out. Luckily before i climbed out he decided to drive up behind me and push me out with his bumper. So he drove around and done pushed me out. So 2 in the morning this guy saved me from my roommate Nate documenting my car stuck and flooded in the middle of a icy pond in the King Soopers parking lot. So now my car is at King Soopers drying out over night and hopefully i get it started in the morning and can drain the water out from inside my car.

I now can't sleep because I keep laughing to myself about the whole thing. And I wish this was the first time. Jeeps dont always have as much clearance as I think. That is my moral of today. I a few winters ago was in Rexburg, ID on a nice day going to Walmart. I got there and there was a small snow mound that i could have easily gone around, but i thought my jeep had more clearance. I floored it to make it over the snow mound. I ended up high centering myself on the only snow mound in the parking lot. It was a busy day, and people in big trucks kept driving by and taking pictures of me and my roommates trying to dig the snow out from under my car. We eventually got free. So tonight I learned 2 lessons. One my jeep is not lifted and can not drive under water. My second lesson is that puddles dont look big until you drive into them.