Wednesday, August 5, 2015

I am a Baby Dada!!!

So I am now a dad!!! On July 26th, 2015 my wife with my help had a baby boy at 7:15pm. He came into the world as purple as a Umpa Lumpa and pretty cute for having just been squeezed like a Go-gurt for 4 hours or something. However his body quickly changed into the cutest boy ever (take that Prince George of Cambridge) and it he doesn't even require suspenders to be as cute as he is (take that Prince George of Cambridge). I may be developing as of late a weird sense of competition with that prince kid.
My kid came into the world weighing 8lbs 15oz and measuring 22" long. Before I had a baby I had no clue what the significance was, but I hear that means that I have a really long and large child. He also has giant hands and giant feet which are already playing in his favor as a bball pro. He has a 6'5" father and a 6' mother and so I think he will be a pretty tall chap. If you want to begin sponsorship now then I will be much obliged and then you will be doctored in as a sponsor early.

just an example pee stick
So the whole baby thing started when my wife texted me a picture of a pee stick. I wanted to tell her not to take those out of the trash, but I had an incline that she had peed on it. Turn out she had peed on it and then I had to go research to learn the difference between a line and a plus. Turns out that a plus sign means you are a baby dada. So the journey along my wife and her fun pregnancy adventures began. She loved corn dogs during her pregnancy and I was totally ok eating a breaded pig on a stick. She had a good pregnancy minus a stomach flu that we both got. I think it turned us both inside out a few times when we were throwing up, but luckily that passed. As her due date approached and then passed, we began to discuss means of trying to induce pregnancy by 4-wheeling, jumping on a tramp, running, belly flops off the dock, and many more. Grant Tell decided he wanted to come sunday the 26th and so poked my wife's bubble so hard that it popped and all this "water" came out. He popped the "balloon" around 2:00 am and it took us till 2:30 to wrap our heads around the fact that after 9 months the baby was coming. So we went to the hospital and checked in.
Now we will fast forward like 10 min to when Megan was in her breezy hospital gown that should have moons printed on it so that it distracts from the full moon in the back. As a side note, some weird guy who had no tailoring skills designed those dumb things. Anyways so Megan is on the bed and she is barely dilated and so the nurses start her on protosin, which is one of the few drugs that causes more pain rather than less pain. So her contractions get amped up by this crazy drug and now she is in tons of pain. So for those of you who don't know my wife, she really likes being tough and so she decides to play a game where she sees how long she can stand the pain before getting an epidural. She waited a good little while, but after getting that tube inserted into her spine with the special juice, she was so relieved. I got really worried she would fall in love with the nurse who gave her the epidural, because she thought he saved her life. She just kept telling me how awesome it was and how she couldn't feel anything. I watched as he installed the tube using a sophisticated capri sun straw and a little tube. After that we sat there most the day waiting for progress and it came in tiny tiny amounts. When she got fully dilated they started the pushing. If you want details on the next part you can watch a youtube video, or ask me about it in a room with no windows. It was a neat experience and watching my baby emerge was an unforgettable experience. I got to cut the cord, which is more of a gnawing through thing then a quick snip. Then Grant was in my wife's arms. We haven't stopped staring at him since. We had lots of visitors who were so kind and generous even if they all pointed out his big hands and feet. I had big ears though and I grew into them as far as I can tell in the mirror and so he should be fine. He is seriously the cutest and most adorable kid. I love him so much already. It is now 11 days later and we are still exhausted. I want to keep this to a short story and not make it into a novel and so goodbye.

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