Guilty Laughter! good or bad for the soul?

So i just remembered a moment in life worth recounting. I was mowing this guys lawn who had two blind dogs. How you get two blind dogs is sketchy. But they were both blind. At first i just thought they walked funny and had dark eyes. They would walk like they were drunk. But while i was mowing, they started trying to run away from the mower and they were running into the playground equipment and bushes. And you know those moments where you laugh for a bit then stop because you feel bad for laughing, but then you repeat this every time it happens. This was totally one of those moments. It was so funny. I therefore feel it would be the best job to take care of blind animals. Cuz everyday you could wake up and laugh about something. Although I would probably become more sinister over time. I just think blind birds and cows and kangaroos might be really funny. I do feel bad about it though.
I went to the special Olympics to help out. And i can say that there are special needs people that would make me look special if i challenged them, because they were so good. I was helping out with volleyball though and there was a guy that looked identical to Mr. Burns from the Simpsons and he didn't move a muscle the entire game. He would blink when the ball would hit him, but he was a statue stuck in bump mode. This was another moment where i laughed and i shouldn't have, but I cant help it at times. So i guess there are moments like these where we laugh, like when i guy falls out of his chair or slips on jello. We laugh and i guess even though we feel bad about it lots, it isn't so bad to laugh in the end because life is about joy and laughter.
So i am not saying to go laugh at special people or painful moments all the time, but when you naturally cant hold back, just let the moment happen.

I ate bad bananas!

I am right now writing this late and i don't know why. I do thank all who read this. You are all my favorite people. And now i have hw i have been putting off and juice to drink. I have some chips with out salsa that need to be chewed on. But you all who read this are my inspiration for continuing. So i shall never give up and never surrender.

Sunday Sunday, not Monday Monday

There is nothing like waking up an blogging in the morning. I am awake and  alert and weird thoughts come to mind. Like i was just thinking of when laugh when texting. I always laugh the same time which in not always accurate. I go haha, but never ha because that has a different meaning and never hahahahaha for who knows the reason. Maybe i feel that is to much laughing for a text or something.
However i have great news! I finally did my 5x5 rubix cube. I always got stuck at the same part and i could figure out how to get past it. However is just clicked to me yesterday what i needed to do. It was super hard since you have to do a more that manipulates 3 surfaces and they all have to complete on another and go in all at the same time. It was a jump up and down and laugh like a giddy boy moment.
Besides that epic moment, i had the privilege of going to the Warren Miller film yesterday with some die-hards and it was amazing. I want to ski so bad now. I drive by a house and I think "I would love to jump off that."

Then i went to my friend Katie's place and 4 of us drank a cup of Jello through a straw and it ended up being hilarious. The noises were so funny. Afterwards my stomach was sore from laughing and my mouth from sucking.
So yesterday was a day to never be forgotten. Then today I am blogging, which is interesting. Whenever i tell someone i am blogging or that i have a blog i get looked at strange. People always sound so surprised and I don't know if that is because I am a guy and I am blogging, because it does tend to be more of a girl activity. It is like being a guy and saying you sow or get your nails done. Which i like to go to a friends house here at school on Sundays and get my manicure and then I paint their fingernails. Is it gay? Maybe a little, but i am just that solid in my masculinity and I make up for it by burping and having hairy legs. I also think people might be surprised I blog because i don't seem like the type. I think most people think of blogs as being about clothes, fashion and other art stuff. I am not artistic and so that is understandable. One day it will all make sense.
I personally like to blog to just feel like i have a creative side and so i can talk about weird things.
OK i need to go to church. peace out homies.

Become the Miracle

This video i saw the other night and it was an eye opener. I need to be kinder and never say anything bad about anyone. No one should ever have to feel hated or not loved, no one should ever feel lonely. I am going to become the miracle.

Defining "my one true love"

I am in one of those thoughtful moods. I just hurt someone i think due to not dating them. However here are my thoughts on dating.
I am now almost 25 years old and have gone on probably around 100 first dates now. I tried to count once and got lost in the 50s. The number not the decade. Anyways so I feel like for each individual we formulate our own definitions. For example if you ask someone to define faith as completely as they can, then they will define it as they have come to understand it through personal experience and background. For this reason a catholic or an evangelist, or a member of the church would all have very different definitions of faith, but even within those faiths everyone's definition will differ slightly.
I see dating a similar thing. I to be honest am looking for the girl i want to spend the rest of eternity with, a woman who falls under the definition of a wife. I have dating so many unique girls, each with amazing attributes and personalities. I could have probably married many of them, but after so many dates i refine my definition of the term "my wife" and not "wife" in general.
I have a special mold and not ever girl fits that mold perfectly. "My wife" needs to be specific to me and I to her. She will have a specific definition, one that is already mostly complete, but wont be completed fully until the day i meet her. In that day i will have the definition for a girl that is perfect for me.
I do want to get married and be special and be the one and only to someone forever. And i want them to feel the same way. I asked my dad once why it always seems that one person is more invested then the other in a relationship. He told me that it is always that way, until the day you meet the one who completes you. I think there is so much truth in that. I dated a girl who for some reason I felt an incredible urge to show her i cared for her. It was a natural feeling to do everything and speak every love language to her. I ended up being more invested then her, but I hope to find a girl again that i feel that same way about. I loved who i was around her, because she made me a better person and i was selfless.
Another feeling that tends to be there or not is the feeling of emotional safety. It is one thing to feel physically safe or even spiritually safe around someone, because those are more evident forms of safety that can easily be seen if they are present or not by the way they act. If they keep curfew and dress standards at school then that is one sign that they are spiritually safe. If you can be around a person and they aren't physically aggressive and are forcing kisses on you, then you can trust them to be physically safe towards you. However emotional safety is just kind of a feeling that is there or not when you are around someone. I feel emotionally safe with all my family members and i feel i can share however i am feeling with them, and they will comfort me and will take how i am feeling seriously. I have dated a few girls that i have felt this same emotional safety towards. I can tell them anything even though i hardly know them. It is a rare thing, but this also has become part on my definition of my perfect girl.
I know looks and being fit is important to me, and i know it is vain. However they are really just important in the beginning when i go to pursue a girl. With time in knowing a girl looks loose their importance and become less a priority. They are still important, but the list order changes as I know a girl longer. If they fit the definition of "My wife" they fit the later definition rather then the first definition. I don't know if that makes sense at all, but I have a different definition for how a perfect girl should be in the beginning when we first start dating, and then I only know how my list is suppose to change as i get to know the girl, and the expectations i have for her as part of the definition.
So I only know my definition and most of the definition lies in the feelings i have in my heart when i am with the girl and the feeling i have towards her. So if a girl is more invested than me or if I don't feel the 100% emotional safety around someone, than i don't pursue it more. I feel this is my most appropriate way of searching without hurting people. I have to hurt girls and so at first sign of a different or off definition, then I call it off. I feel bad, but it is the best way i know about going about it. I am getting old though and i am still single and a faulty approach could be part of it. I know that I will meet her one day, and that i will be complete that day. Dating is definitely tough, but i guess in all becomes worth it in the end.