Thursday, October 20, 2011

Cookies Squirrels

So I met a man who met a girl who know a sister of a brother who married his best friends cousin who knows the first man, who knows me. I am popular like this. People know me through people. I lately have been struggling to meet new people. I decided that I am afraid of being afraid and therefore avoid situations that might have fear, like talking to cute girls. That was unrelated.
So here is the deal. I burnt some cookies that I made and Rexburg just made me mad, because of the lack of birds and squirrels. I never see them here and I miss them. I wanted to feed them my burnt cookies, but if i just set them out on the front step like I was tempted, then they would just sit there. I dont want to take the plate out to the dumpster and I don't want it to stink up the trash. This is the reason for being angry right now.
Where are the freaking animals? Even a coyote would eat them i think, but since there are no squirrels, there are no other animal predators. So my burnt cookies sadly go into the trash, because the duck pond is too far to travel for 6 burnt cookies. I feel so sad, and I want to now catch a squirrel and breed them till they become numerous, and then I will breed coyotes. I just don't have breeding ground from such a large endeavor like re-population of squirrels.
All in all the cookies went to waste and Rexburg remains a barren land of color and animals. Just lots of wind remains to chill this thought even more in my mind.

WII likes Girls

I am very tired right now. I am watching some retarded show where people keep beating each other up and smoking stuff. Justin Timerlake is in it i think, but the sound is off and I am just semi watching it for no reason. It makes no sense with the sound off. I don't know how deft people do it, because it is confusing. Anyways tonight I did some dancing game on the WII and I decided that I am terrible at it. I was like delayed on everything. The hard part about the game is only partly the dancing. Mostly however it is seeing to words OK or good and then seeing Awesome on the next persons screen. You can be getting OKs while the person next to you gets awesome and great. It is anything but a self esteem boost and I think it is discriminatory, because it seems to like girl dancers more than guy dancers. Well i am super tired and my mind is like going to sleep and into hibernation before my laptop does and that is just weird. Lazers

Monday, October 17, 2011

Kung Fu with a slice of wonderbread!

I have very limited battery and so I  am limited in what i can say. I was just wondering why all Chinese people do martial arts. I believe it might be to their gymnastics programs in kindergarten or their more elaborate school yard fights. Perhaps their gym classes are just fighting/dancing lessons, because this would explain their natural ability to do hip-hop too. Then there is the possibility that they are drawn to it, like white kids are to rodeos and video games, like Brazilians to soccer, like Mexicans to pinatas, like nerds to computers. They also might have the genetic coding to make them more agile and reflexive. I want to see an Asian goalie, because this could possibly set all suspicions aside. Their bone structure alone is strengthened to karate chop boards.
So I wonder if you made a Asian black person if they would be invincible. Breed The Rock with Jet Lees offspring and you get a miracle baby. Then if they made a sandwich it would be made with Wonder bread. Oh and a side not is that i love to put high-fins in words, but they didn't want one in Wonder bread. Well that is my thoughts on kung fu and pandas are also naturals due to their Asian heredity.
The End

Sunday, October 16, 2011


click on this picture for a demo of this!
So my last post was serious so i thought i would do a rambler. Funny thing is i am looking around at the living room at like bananas and wondering what to say.
So Seinfeldatosis is a disease where you wont date or stop dating someone for ridiculous reasons. I have a variation of this disease called Selective-Seinfeldatosis. This is when you do the same thing, but in order to convince yourself not to like them for a completely unrelated reason. I will give examples, but don't be offended, because I choose not to date them first. For one I went on a date and the girl had a lazy eye and even though I had talked to her so many times before i had never noticed. So i spent the whole date confused as to whether or not she was looking at me or not. I could have gone in for a kiss thinking she was looking at me, but really she wasn't. So I went to hug her goodnight after a long date and she refused. So I decided the lazy eye thing was a deal breaker and that was that. So the disease usually comes into effect on selective terms.
However there was a girl i liked in high-school and so I sat behind her so i could flirt more. One day in class we were taking a test and he was leaning way forward and her shirt came up in the back, and a bush popped out. After catching glimpse a bush was burned in my mind and that ruined that. I have had selective-Seinfeldatosis. I have tons of examples ranging from hairiness to makeup. I once had a major crush on a girl and then at a ward breakfast saw her with no makeup and I was shocked speechless. This disease even enters personality. I stopped dating a girl because she was too mean a couple "days" each month(period.) Then another girl would always talk in ridiculous voices all the time and i am not sure what her real voice sounds like.
So all this sounds super mean and I am not that way. I find tons of girls beautiful, but that may be a reason for still being single. And I know everyone has their moments of these symptoms. And for that I am self conscious about a mole on my left leg or about my tooth that sits crooked. I also have a calac in my hair that inhibits me from doing a fohawk. I have big gaps between my big toes and my toes are very webbed. These are just a few of my own, but i embrace them. I have a buddy who trims his eyebrows and armpit hairs. That was unrelated. But these are my thoughts. Finding a deal breaker is my best way of getting over a girl that I like or that i might like.
The end and no hating.

More Rice Crispee People.

The Rock uses body lotion. He doesn't sweat.
Wow it is Sunday morning, and what is loco is what i saw this morning. When I looked out the window, what did I see, but popcorn popping on the apricot tree. I could take a handful and make a treat, a popcorn ball that would probably smell like popcorn. Really it wasn't buttered or carameled. Then even if it was we would be dealing with ants and bugs. I like my pop secret the most, because I can hide with it and it wont turn me in or give away my hiding spot. It is a discrete snack. However it like all popcorn, says it is buttered. Some say they are super buttered, but they are the same as the normal buttered. So I would prefer it just to come with like 2 sticks of butter in each box and let me be the quantity control police.
Anyways I have no idea where popcorn cam from, but last night I watch the action movie for men, "Fast Five." I freaking love this movie for its ridiculous action and funny scenes. I always wonder those things like, "who would win in a fight between Jason Bourn or James Bond. So fast five allowed me to finally know who would win in a warehouse fight between The ROCK or Vin Deisel. Vin Deisel did, because he is the Pacifier, the Ridick, the triple x. It was a MNO a "mens night out" last night.
nothing like a gigantic rice crispee shoe
This brings me to my next thought, I need guy friends. So girls are fun, but there are so many flaky ones that don't put forth any effort. I dont want cornbread friends, I want me some good old Rice Crispies. They are sweet, but can be tough too. And no matter what stretching goes on, they come back together. They can be separate or easily become one again. And best of all they are sticky fun. I have guy friends back home that are rice crispee friends, but i have no guy friends like that here. There is no man law here. I meet cool guys and then they get girls. So I decided that i need to find dateless friends.
The young women's president for the church came here and told the girls to stop hanging out. She told them to turn us guys down unless we call and ask them on a date. So things are really getting tough here. And this is my reason for needing bros. But i want guys that are crazy and will go nuts. We went to a party the other night, and out of the 200 people there, our group of 5 was by far the craziest. People were coming over just to watch the show. Rexburg needs more wild childs.
And I want to thank all my friends that read these. It is cool to have friends like all of you. I feel like the luckiest guy at times, because I have some very loyal and loving friends and I cant thank you all enough for your awesomeness.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Gum for my Tum!

Home-slice slicing! That is the phrase i just made up for hanging with my home-slices, which are rad people. An example of this is when the ninja turtle would hang out with April O'neil or with Casey Jones. So that is what i am doing right now in the library.
I would have gone home since it is a Friday, but they said if i waited an hour they would drive me home and so here i am wasting time. I also have a headache from chewing a piece of gum too long. Now my jar is tired as well. I have been chewing gum so i don't fall asleep in classes, but i am a bit worried since i am too lazy to find a trash can most of the time and so i just swallow it. I wonder now how much gum is just chilling in my stomach. If each piece sticks around for 7 days, then i might have a whole pack in there now. That means i might have a snowball size ball of gum in my stomach.

a gum alligator. cliche'

The End