Saturday, December 10, 2011

Should I raise my Hand?

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Guilty Laughter! good or bad for the soul?

So i just remembered a moment in life worth recounting. I was mowing this guys lawn who had two blind dogs. How you get two blind dogs is sketchy. But they were both blind. At first i just thought they walked funny and had dark eyes. They would walk like they were drunk. But while i was mowing, they started trying to run away from the mower and they were running into the playground equipment and bushes. And you know those moments where you laugh for a bit then stop because you feel bad for laughing, but then you repeat this every time it happens. This was totally one of those moments. It was so funny. I therefore feel it would be the best job to take care of blind animals. Cuz everyday you could wake up and laugh about something. Although I would probably become more sinister over time. I just think blind birds and cows and kangaroos might be really funny. I do feel bad about it though.
I went to the special Olympics to help out. And i can say that there are special needs people that would make me look special if i challenged them, because they were so good. I was helping out with volleyball though and there was a guy that looked identical to Mr. Burns from the Simpsons and he didn't move a muscle the entire game. He would blink when the ball would hit him, but he was a statue stuck in bump mode. This was another moment where i laughed and i shouldn't have, but I cant help it at times. So i guess there are moments like these where we laugh, like when i guy falls out of his chair or slips on jello. We laugh and i guess even though we feel bad about it lots, it isn't so bad to laugh in the end because life is about joy and laughter.
So i am not saying to go laugh at special people or painful moments all the time, but when you naturally cant hold back, just let the moment happen.
I ate bad bananas!
I am right now writing this late and i don't know why. I do thank all who read this. You are all my favorite people. And now i have hw i have been putting off and juice to drink. I have some chips with out salsa that need to be chewed on. But you all who read this are my inspiration for continuing. So i shall never give up and never surrender.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Sunday Sunday, not Monday Monday

There is nothing like waking up an blogging in the morning. I am awake and  alert and weird thoughts come to mind. Like i was just thinking of when laugh when texting. I always laugh the same time which in not always accurate. I go haha, but never ha because that has a different meaning and never hahahahaha for who knows the reason. Maybe i feel that is to much laughing for a text or something.
However i have great news! I finally did my 5x5 rubix cube. I always got stuck at the same part and i could figure out how to get past it. However is just clicked to me yesterday what i needed to do. It was super hard since you have to do a more that manipulates 3 surfaces and they all have to complete on another and go in all at the same time. It was a jump up and down and laugh like a giddy boy moment.
Besides that epic moment, i had the privilege of going to the Warren Miller film yesterday with some die-hards and it was amazing. I want to ski so bad now. I drive by a house and I think "I would love to jump off that."
Then i went to my friend Katie's place and 4 of us drank a cup of Jello through a straw and it ended up being hilarious. The noises were so funny. Afterwards my stomach was sore from laughing and my mouth from sucking.
So yesterday was a day to never be forgotten. Then today I am blogging, which is interesting. Whenever i tell someone i am blogging or that i have a blog i get looked at strange. People always sound so surprised and I don't know if that is because I am a guy and I am blogging, because it does tend to be more of a girl activity. It is like being a guy and saying you sow or get your nails done. Which i like to go to a friends house here at school on Sundays and get my manicure and then I paint their fingernails. Is it gay? Maybe a little, but i am just that solid in my masculinity and I make up for it by burping and having hairy legs. I also think people might be surprised I blog because i don't seem like the type. I think most people think of blogs as being about clothes, fashion and other art stuff. I am not artistic and so that is understandable. One day it will all make sense.
I personally like to blog to just feel like i have a creative side and so i can talk about weird things.
OK i need to go to church. peace out homies.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Become the Miracle

This video i saw the other night and it was an eye opener. I need to be kinder and never say anything bad about anyone. No one should ever have to feel hated or not loved, no one should ever feel lonely. I am going to become the miracle.

Defining "my one true love"

I am in one of those thoughtful moods. I just hurt someone i think due to not dating them. However here are my thoughts on dating.
I am now almost 25 years old and have gone on probably around 100 first dates now. I tried to count once and got lost in the 50s. The number not the decade. Anyways so I feel like for each individual we formulate our own definitions. For example if you ask someone to define faith as completely as they can, then they will define it as they have come to understand it through personal experience and background. For this reason a catholic or an evangelist, or a member of the church would all have very different definitions of faith, but even within those faiths everyone's definition will differ slightly.
I see dating a similar thing. I to be honest am looking for the girl i want to spend the rest of eternity with, a woman who falls under the definition of a wife. I have dating so many unique girls, each with amazing attributes and personalities. I could have probably married many of them, but after so many dates i refine my definition of the term "my wife" and not "wife" in general.
I have a special mold and not ever girl fits that mold perfectly. "My wife" needs to be specific to me and I to her. She will have a specific definition, one that is already mostly complete, but wont be completed fully until the day i meet her. In that day i will have the definition for a girl that is perfect for me.
I do want to get married and be special and be the one and only to someone forever. And i want them to feel the same way. I asked my dad once why it always seems that one person is more invested then the other in a relationship. He told me that it is always that way, until the day you meet the one who completes you. I think there is so much truth in that. I dated a girl who for some reason I felt an incredible urge to show her i cared for her. It was a natural feeling to do everything and speak every love language to her. I ended up being more invested then her, but I hope to find a girl again that i feel that same way about. I loved who i was around her, because she made me a better person and i was selfless.
Another feeling that tends to be there or not is the feeling of emotional safety. It is one thing to feel physically safe or even spiritually safe around someone, because those are more evident forms of safety that can easily be seen if they are present or not by the way they act. If they keep curfew and dress standards at school then that is one sign that they are spiritually safe. If you can be around a person and they aren't physically aggressive and are forcing kisses on you, then you can trust them to be physically safe towards you. However emotional safety is just kind of a feeling that is there or not when you are around someone. I feel emotionally safe with all my family members and i feel i can share however i am feeling with them, and they will comfort me and will take how i am feeling seriously. I have dated a few girls that i have felt this same emotional safety towards. I can tell them anything even though i hardly know them. It is a rare thing, but this also has become part on my definition of my perfect girl.
I know looks and being fit is important to me, and i know it is vain. However they are really just important in the beginning when i go to pursue a girl. With time in knowing a girl looks loose their importance and become less a priority. They are still important, but the list order changes as I know a girl longer. If they fit the definition of "My wife" they fit the later definition rather then the first definition. I don't know if that makes sense at all, but I have a different definition for how a perfect girl should be in the beginning when we first start dating, and then I only know how my list is suppose to change as i get to know the girl, and the expectations i have for her as part of the definition.
So I only know my definition and most of the definition lies in the feelings i have in my heart when i am with the girl and the feeling i have towards her. So if a girl is more invested than me or if I don't feel the 100% emotional safety around someone, than i don't pursue it more. I feel this is my most appropriate way of searching without hurting people. I have to hurt girls and so at first sign of a different or off definition, then I call it off. I feel bad, but it is the best way i know about going about it. I am getting old though and i am still single and a faulty approach could be part of it. I know that I will meet her one day, and that i will be complete that day. Dating is definitely tough, but i guess in all becomes worth it in the end.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Cookies Squirrels

So I met a man who met a girl who know a sister of a brother who married his best friends cousin who knows the first man, who knows me. I am popular like this. People know me through people. I lately have been struggling to meet new people. I decided that I am afraid of being afraid and therefore avoid situations that might have fear, like talking to cute girls. That was unrelated.
So here is the deal. I burnt some cookies that I made and Rexburg just made me mad, because of the lack of birds and squirrels. I never see them here and I miss them. I wanted to feed them my burnt cookies, but if i just set them out on the front step like I was tempted, then they would just sit there. I dont want to take the plate out to the dumpster and I don't want it to stink up the trash. This is the reason for being angry right now.
Where are the freaking animals? Even a coyote would eat them i think, but since there are no squirrels, there are no other animal predators. So my burnt cookies sadly go into the trash, because the duck pond is too far to travel for 6 burnt cookies. I feel so sad, and I want to now catch a squirrel and breed them till they become numerous, and then I will breed coyotes. I just don't have breeding ground from such a large endeavor like re-population of squirrels.
All in all the cookies went to waste and Rexburg remains a barren land of color and animals. Just lots of wind remains to chill this thought even more in my mind.

WII likes Girls

I am very tired right now. I am watching some retarded show where people keep beating each other up and smoking stuff. Justin Timerlake is in it i think, but the sound is off and I am just semi watching it for no reason. It makes no sense with the sound off. I don't know how deft people do it, because it is confusing. Anyways tonight I did some dancing game on the WII and I decided that I am terrible at it. I was like delayed on everything. The hard part about the game is only partly the dancing. Mostly however it is seeing to words OK or good and then seeing Awesome on the next persons screen. You can be getting OKs while the person next to you gets awesome and great. It is anything but a self esteem boost and I think it is discriminatory, because it seems to like girl dancers more than guy dancers. Well i am super tired and my mind is like going to sleep and into hibernation before my laptop does and that is just weird. Lazers

Monday, October 17, 2011

Kung Fu with a slice of wonderbread!

I have very limited battery and so I  am limited in what i can say. I was just wondering why all Chinese people do martial arts. I believe it might be to their gymnastics programs in kindergarten or their more elaborate school yard fights. Perhaps their gym classes are just fighting/dancing lessons, because this would explain their natural ability to do hip-hop too. Then there is the possibility that they are drawn to it, like white kids are to rodeos and video games, like Brazilians to soccer, like Mexicans to pinatas, like nerds to computers. They also might have the genetic coding to make them more agile and reflexive. I want to see an Asian goalie, because this could possibly set all suspicions aside. Their bone structure alone is strengthened to karate chop boards.
So I wonder if you made a Asian black person if they would be invincible. Breed The Rock with Jet Lees offspring and you get a miracle baby. Then if they made a sandwich it would be made with Wonder bread. Oh and a side not is that i love to put high-fins in words, but they didn't want one in Wonder bread. Well that is my thoughts on kung fu and pandas are also naturals due to their Asian heredity.
The End

Sunday, October 16, 2011


click on this picture for a demo of this!
So my last post was serious so i thought i would do a rambler. Funny thing is i am looking around at the living room at like bananas and wondering what to say.
So Seinfeldatosis is a disease where you wont date or stop dating someone for ridiculous reasons. I have a variation of this disease called Selective-Seinfeldatosis. This is when you do the same thing, but in order to convince yourself not to like them for a completely unrelated reason. I will give examples, but don't be offended, because I choose not to date them first. For one I went on a date and the girl had a lazy eye and even though I had talked to her so many times before i had never noticed. So i spent the whole date confused as to whether or not she was looking at me or not. I could have gone in for a kiss thinking she was looking at me, but really she wasn't. So I went to hug her goodnight after a long date and she refused. So I decided the lazy eye thing was a deal breaker and that was that. So the disease usually comes into effect on selective terms.
However there was a girl i liked in high-school and so I sat behind her so i could flirt more. One day in class we were taking a test and he was leaning way forward and her shirt came up in the back, and a bush popped out. After catching glimpse a bush was burned in my mind and that ruined that. I have had selective-Seinfeldatosis. I have tons of examples ranging from hairiness to makeup. I once had a major crush on a girl and then at a ward breakfast saw her with no makeup and I was shocked speechless. This disease even enters personality. I stopped dating a girl because she was too mean a couple "days" each month(period.) Then another girl would always talk in ridiculous voices all the time and i am not sure what her real voice sounds like.
So all this sounds super mean and I am not that way. I find tons of girls beautiful, but that may be a reason for still being single. And I know everyone has their moments of these symptoms. And for that I am self conscious about a mole on my left leg or about my tooth that sits crooked. I also have a calac in my hair that inhibits me from doing a fohawk. I have big gaps between my big toes and my toes are very webbed. These are just a few of my own, but i embrace them. I have a buddy who trims his eyebrows and armpit hairs. That was unrelated. But these are my thoughts. Finding a deal breaker is my best way of getting over a girl that I like or that i might like.
The end and no hating.

More Rice Crispee People.

The Rock uses body lotion. He doesn't sweat.
Wow it is Sunday morning, and what is loco is what i saw this morning. When I looked out the window, what did I see, but popcorn popping on the apricot tree. I could take a handful and make a treat, a popcorn ball that would probably smell like popcorn. Really it wasn't buttered or carameled. Then even if it was we would be dealing with ants and bugs. I like my pop secret the most, because I can hide with it and it wont turn me in or give away my hiding spot. It is a discrete snack. However it like all popcorn, says it is buttered. Some say they are super buttered, but they are the same as the normal buttered. So I would prefer it just to come with like 2 sticks of butter in each box and let me be the quantity control police.
Anyways I have no idea where popcorn cam from, but last night I watch the action movie for men, "Fast Five." I freaking love this movie for its ridiculous action and funny scenes. I always wonder those things like, "who would win in a fight between Jason Bourn or James Bond. So fast five allowed me to finally know who would win in a warehouse fight between The ROCK or Vin Deisel. Vin Deisel did, because he is the Pacifier, the Ridick, the triple x. It was a MNO a "mens night out" last night.
nothing like a gigantic rice crispee shoe
This brings me to my next thought, I need guy friends. So girls are fun, but there are so many flaky ones that don't put forth any effort. I dont want cornbread friends, I want me some good old Rice Crispies. They are sweet, but can be tough too. And no matter what stretching goes on, they come back together. They can be separate or easily become one again. And best of all they are sticky fun. I have guy friends back home that are rice crispee friends, but i have no guy friends like that here. There is no man law here. I meet cool guys and then they get girls. So I decided that i need to find dateless friends.
The young women's president for the church came here and told the girls to stop hanging out. She told them to turn us guys down unless we call and ask them on a date. So things are really getting tough here. And this is my reason for needing bros. But i want guys that are crazy and will go nuts. We went to a party the other night, and out of the 200 people there, our group of 5 was by far the craziest. People were coming over just to watch the show. Rexburg needs more wild childs.
And I want to thank all my friends that read these. It is cool to have friends like all of you. I feel like the luckiest guy at times, because I have some very loyal and loving friends and I cant thank you all enough for your awesomeness.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Gum for my Tum!

Home-slice slicing! That is the phrase i just made up for hanging with my home-slices, which are rad people. An example of this is when the ninja turtle would hang out with April O'neil or with Casey Jones. So that is what i am doing right now in the library.
I would have gone home since it is a Friday, but they said if i waited an hour they would drive me home and so here i am wasting time. I also have a headache from chewing a piece of gum too long. Now my jar is tired as well. I have been chewing gum so i don't fall asleep in classes, but i am a bit worried since i am too lazy to find a trash can most of the time and so i just swallow it. I wonder now how much gum is just chilling in my stomach. If each piece sticks around for 7 days, then i might have a whole pack in there now. That means i might have a snowball size ball of gum in my stomach.

a gum alligator. cliche'

The End

Friday, September 30, 2011

I am distracted by the distracted! Ironic

So i am quietly chilling at the library. There is a girl in front of me sitting at a computer desk, with her laptop on the keyboard of the school keyboard and it is in front of the school monitor. She is strange and to top it off she is watching "The Crosby Show". She also took her shoes off, which is cool because at least she has good taste in socks. But she has her homework out, with obviously no intention of touching it since she is watching Crosby re-runs. I decided to not even get my homework out since at the moment I have no desire to study. I have been in weekend mode since i woke up.
Also there is a kid who is using a way higher decibel amount that should be used in a library and he has sparkles on his shirt.
Another kid has his foot on the desk and his laptop on his lap. It is so distracting and he has new balance. Which is a dumb name for a shoe since new balance is not something I am looking for. It is not like i was walking to school today and almost tipped over and thought to myself, "I wish i had new balance, because my old balance is getting old and unstable." And if someone does have trouble, I doubt people are going to buy those and think, "Now i wont fall over, and now i am going to unicycle." Just saying that it doesn't work like that. I am wearing plaid shoes and they make me feel like i am having a party, but i like them most because they slide on tile.
I need to go because I think the kid next to me is leering and might find out that I am people watching, because i keep glancing at his screen and then typing stuff. I think he is slightly paranoid. I love some of you and like some of you, and would even hug the strangers who are reading this, because obviously you are bored and for that reason you need a hug. They also sell them at most grocery stores next to snickers and kisses. Snickers usually don't boost moral btw.
adios muchachos.

OK Cupid is my pond

So I am on a dating site! And it is a blast. People ask me why i have one and i say for fun, but then they look confused as if fun and dating sites dont go together. Flash, with news before it, (newsflash) they do. I went out with a black girl off of it and had a sweet time, and it was partly due to the fact i got candy on my frozen yogurt. And the sour worms and sweedish fish get wicked hard, and IDK why that is. But i have had wicked tall, small, thick, thin and middleish write me and it is cool, but what makes it fun is what you can write them.
I recently wrote this to a girl was paired with me because of my criteria. Her status said she was afraid of marriage and said she was looking for a non-creeper. I wrote her this:
"So it is too soon to ask you to marry me and I know you wouldnt from your profile. Which leaves me to eating scooby doo fruit snacks, which are awesome, and watching re-runs of Bonanza. Or you can just say hi and i will say hi back, then you can say hi again, and then we might get into quality conversations about saving whales and how we feel when we have to to watch scary movies alone. This sounds so weird and it is, but i am not. I am more just hoping you read all this and I imagine you scratching your head because you are confused and not because you have a dry scalp. I am like the toy in a cracker jack box. It is now up to you if you want to open the box and find me. I am a fun surprise. Ttyl and enjoy the caramel corn."
So will she write me? I doubt it. Am i a creeper? I probably am. Is it fun weirding people out? Why not? I do it every day and It is who I am. Why am i not married? Go figure (shrug) {I just shrugged}.

Love Bretty :-)

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Thor is not my name:-(

So i started a while back writing a  new post, but woe and behold a meteor struck my house and made it impossible to post it. Bad timing? So i went to the crash sight and no aliens:-( there was a knife stuck in a rock in the center, but i couldnt pull it out. My parents did not name me Thor or Author and so i am holding my parents accountable for my lack of becoming really cool and a hero. So i came home and ate a grapefruit and then some grape nuts and then some raisins.
Now days later after days of soldering wires my computer is fixed and I am posting my tall tale. It is a tall tale solely because i am tall, not because it is not true. Although I didnt not say it was not true. I should not not tell the truth. I lied and i feel guilty.
So i am going to bed, but i wanted to say hi to all of you invisible people and I am going to go brush my teeth with some minty Colgate. peace out.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Beavers are Bad

So I took a break from writing my blog. My creative juices got blocked by a beaver. That is a metaphor, i would no ever have a pet beaver and no beaver is literally allowed in my head, but a figurative beaver has been blocking things up and creating mind lakes. I just am worried what the beaver is chewing down to block the river. I hunted it and it is dead. It may have had kids. And a baby beaver is called a kitten. Freaking weird! Why is it called a kitten. I could really mess up some kids minds with that.
So ask your mom if you can buy a kitten and then buy a baby beaver. That would throw her for a loop, and you cant stick him in the back yard because he will eat your fence. What a tangent, but no mind beavers for now and so hopefully i will do better about writing again.
Anyways last night i was talking girls with my friends (big surprise). I was telling my home friends how i meet girls. This surprise will be delayed till tomorrowish!
-love me-

Saturday, June 25, 2011

I am easily amused!!!

I want to write a quick blog post so my humble and dedicated followers will not lose hope. I have no clue what to write about. So waiting for inspiration.... BAM!!!
I am cool. What is interesting about this is that weird and strange people can be normal. Because instead of being rejected by society they accept me. I for example love pop rocks and bubble rap. It is weird, but since other people share the same passions it is cool. Just popping sounds are cool. Fireworks is another popping thing that the world loves, but it is weird that we enjoy the sound so much.
Also throwing things off cliffs and big ledges. I get to the top of a cliff or something and I immediately get the erg to throw something off. I can't even say how many times i have thrown rocks off cliffs. And the higher the better. At the Grand Canyon I loved throwing rocks off and i didn't even think of the people i could possibly hit hiking in the bottom. So i wont go hiking there. We used to go to a dam when i was younger and we would spit off and watch our spit fall and that was fun. And i even almost got kicked out of a Rockie's game for throwing stuff like trash over the railing. So why do simple things entertain us the most. I love bouncy balls still and i never get bored with them.
On the flip side with complicated things like those learned in school, i often get bored. We might be studying valence electrons and i will fall asleep in minutes, but as soon as he sticks a balloon in liquid nitrogen I am awake and excited to see a balloon deflate.
and How am i so easily amused and weird and still society accepts me?
So i am cool but along with all other easily amused people, but i think that is what makes life fun and worth living. So I am going to blow off all the dandy lion tops in my lawn and maybe eat some flowers and throw some rocks and call my day complete and happy.
Love you my minions!!! live long and prosper and "peace out".

Crap I have a story i want to tell quick. I was camping and we found a sandy will with lots of big boulders on it and a creek in the bottom. So we decided it would be "fun" to roll rocks down into the river to dam it up. Which damming up rivers and gutters in front of your house is fun. I envy beavers and i would be happy to be one if reincarnation was real. But chewing on wood all day would be lame and so would having huge teeth. But anyways was on the downhill side of a boulder and pulling on it which was not smart and i rolled it over my hand and crushed it, leaving my hand a bloody mess. I still have a small scar from it. So when easily amusing yourselves with dumb things be smart about it. Ironically funny but realistically true.
And i just discovered that they sell dandelion seeds on-line. What?

Friday, June 17, 2011

To Woo and be Swave

So i am blogging. Which is just a shortened way of saying,"being wordy about different things online". But I have been busy and have neglected magical moments. Like when my brother power-washed me and how my belly button was clean as a whistle (STOP: clean as a whistle is a dumb phrase, because they are not clean. They get spit in and lipstick on them). So it was actually cleaner then a whistle unless it was just purchased and hadn't been tested out in the store by some unsupervised child.
I also am working at Uhaul and i am finding cool things again. We found one of the Harry Potter picture frames, which is one of those digital picture frames where the pictures change. I plan on finding lots of cool things. Last summer i found a stop sign and that is ranked up there on coolest finds.
Then today i went to water world and did some sliding and stuff. It was epic and they were selling dippin dots. They are good, but we agreed that their slogan is now outdated. They are no longer the icecream of the future. Maybe their prices are inflated to a very future date, but they are now old and obviously the icecream companies like Dryers feel that normal icecream is still the future icecream. Little flavored hail balls shouldn't be considered the future anyways. I want more for less in the future and not less for more.
A knight with an axe and face paint
Wow i am already tired of typing and there is a pretty girl that I need to take on a date tonight. I have my woooer ready to wooo her. The sound unfortunately doesn't get the job done, but not making a woo sound is still considered as wooing. I also am bringing a broom to sweep her off her feet and she is light and so carrying her is not a problem. I will be her knight in armor. It may not be shiny because i usually shop at goodwill and new armor would be pricey.
Here is my game plan. First eat Wheaties, because it makes you good at things. Next call her and tell her that her wildest dreams will come true if she goes out with you. They get her some weird thing like chalk and then tell her that is her wildest dream coming true since that would be a wild dream to get chalk from a guy. Then i will take her to a mildly romantic setting where she isn't creeped out but senses swaveness in me. Then make sure to go to the bathroom when a creepy guy is near so I can return and rescue. Also I will find ways to point at things, because this is a chance to show off my muscles of iron. Put on my swagger deodorant, because it smells good and is supposed to have the same affects as Wheaties but on a flirting level. Then I will drop her off before her curfew so she can be happy. Then i will get my beauty sleep to rinse and repeat.
This is my copywrited plan of action. Can't say it has ever worked, but there is a first time for everything, just like there is for playing with fireworks and not vandalizing something on accident.
I miss you all. Sincerely, yours truly,
Your HIGHness

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Fire! A friend and foe for life!

So this weekend was interesting. I was super excited for it, but some curve balls were thrown and i swung to hit them even though they would have been balls, and connected with some, but I also got strikes. That is a wordy way of saying some good and bad things happened.
So we had on Friday night I went to high-school grad parties and crashed them with my brother. The treats and junk food was great and I even won all the boys at croquet.That game with the mallets and you hit the ball on the grass under these rings. When anyone won we played where they became a destroyer ball and they could play to frustrate and slam away other peoples balls.
I went to a stake cook-off done by the men in the church. I was cooking my first stake and accidentally dumped a bunch of cyan-pepper all over it. It turned out to be a very hot and mouth burning stake. It put my stake somewhere near last place. I made 3 more stakes after that and i improved with each. I ate 4 in all.
Then these two brothers decided to have a taco night after that of which I felt inclined to join. I ate more meat there and ate a taco out of a cup. Cups are the new bowls if you haven't heard.
Then there was this dance party. It was pretty off the hook, but after that much junk food and meat it started to act funny. After dancing like a crazy robot caveman for a good amount of time and dancing with all my gusto, the meat went on strike in my tummy. I kept sitting down to rest, but then people would talk me into dancing again. It got bad though and I had to hide in the theater room and lay down. I went home after that and I was on the edge of emptying my stomach onto the carpet in my room.
I woke up for church the next morning to find someone had jacked my gps and they stole a cable from my brothers car. Both of us were robbed in the hood which we live. Dang gangsters who steel from homies like that.
After a beautiful time at church i went to my good homies house for burgers. The end.
JK it isn't. So memorial day starts off tiring after a late night on the west side. I go to this breakfast thing and throw a little disc here and there, but excitement was about to strike.
The burning bush (get it?) :-)
I got home and took a nap and woke up in a mood to clean my room. It was then I looked out the window for no reason and was surprised to find the sprinklers on. Idk why, because we have them on a timer and so it  is anything but surprising in reality. I looked closer and saw a cloud of something white coming from our front bush. I thought at first a pipe had broken to the sprinklers. I ran downstairs and as i opened the front door a blanket of smoke hit me in the face. I looked and realized our bush was on fire. So a panic set in and i ran around the bush to get the hose. I wiped out hard in the wet grass, but was able to get up fast and put out the fire with the hose. I soaked that bush for like 20 min so that nothing could start up again. It was that moment that i realized i had a fireman inside me.

Turns out my neighbors friends were trying to hit the kids car with a roman candle and missed firing it into our bush. They were inside when i was out there getting buckets for water. The dad made them all kneel at my feet and apologize. They didn't kiss my feet, but i forgave them, because of two other occasions.
First in a firework mishap in Wyoming, where i was lit on fire by an illegal that flipped on its side and shot the rockets at me. I was sitting on the ground with my back to the car when it flipped towards us. I couldn't get out of the way. I remember seeing this glowing green thing in front of me. The words "oh suck" came to mind before it exploded. Someone cool put my arm out, but i still have a scar from it.
The second was a valentines day where my parents left on a date. We were given a meal to eat that was all red. We had candles and after we ate I started playing with them. I was burning paper doilies. Then i dropped one on our new table cloth which turned out to be very flammable. Our table cloth went up in flames and started to lick the ceiling. My sister was quick with her skills and put it out with water from the sink. It was fun explaining that one to my parents. We don't use candles much now. And i have had a bad reputation with fire since, but the recent bush event will help to erase my doily deed.
Sorry that was so long. I haven't been able to write in a while. My next blog will be back to the random thoughts.
peace out to all and to all a great day?

Sunday, May 22, 2011

A sugar BABY at heart.

So i usually have no clue about what i want to write about. I just sit here waiting for inspiration. But that is the wrong word because food and squirrels and how I am attracted to girls of black ethnicity arn't the most inspirational topics. Inspirational thoughts for me are like how "pop rocks" have the ability to make every moment in life better.
So Candy is my momentary topic. So my whole family loves candy I think. My mom got us addicted from an early age. I believe it started with her eating candy while pregnant and the candy flavors had their effect. Some babies are alcohol babies, while i was a sugar-baby. I am currently a sugar adult and I hope to become a sugar-daddy one day. But if i got diabetes that would be horrible. I doubt i will get it due to my hyper-tolerance of sugar. One could maybe view me as having the opposite of diabetes due to my need for sugar in order to live. By live i mean not crash, and by crash i mean have energy to go on.
When my sugar reservoir is depleted and i am running dry, I often fall asleep. I think in high school I would fall asleep in ever class for at least a few min. Teachers would make me sit in the front, but that didn't help. I needed candy, and only diabetics can eat in class. I need to be diagnosed so i can eat in class. Or i might go find a sketchy person that writes bad like a doctor and have him write a permission note.
Anyways. I was born and i probably slept a lot till i could start drinking capri suns and juice boxes. Which some are like liquid candy.
Later my mom would bribe us with candy to do stuff. "Go to the store with me and i will let you get candy", "when you finish your homework you can have candy", "It is raining out so we can have candy", "If you brush your teeth good you can have candy". The list is big. I always liked the days when we got candy just for being her kids, or because we found her secret stash. She would divide the candy evenly among all her children. If there was a skittle left she would get out the knife and attempt to cut it into 8 pieces for each of us. Even the colors were divided even so that I wouldn't get mad because my brother got more banana runts then me.
So my addiction is not selective but embraces lovingly all from the sugar class or from that beautiful point on the food pyramid. If I chilled in Egypt i would just sit on the points and eat from the sugar triangle.
Oh and why is it called a food pyramid. It is clearly a 2D shape and geometry has to be ticked off at that. It is the food triangle and dietitians need to get that right.

Anyways some weird candies are Droplets. That isn't their real name, but they are sugar drops that are pasted on a wax paper sheet. Bottle caps have bettered my life in every way. I don't know yet why soda companies haven't started making their caps edible and amazing. Then there are those pop candies that have juice inside their wax. I think i liked eating the wax more then the juice candy. But all can't compare to Fun Dips which have literally and figuratively made my life more fun. The name doesn't lie. "Pop rocks" have made for some precious memories. And i am talking about eating them, not just the joy i get when feeding them to fish and other wild animals (Jk PETA). The most heavenly after pull and peal liquorish, which stole that motto from bananas btw, is the center of "War Heads". They are sour and literally a war of will power, but the finish line is sweet and heavenly. Thankyou "War heads" for your contribution to my life.
And one last factoid. I am an official pucker judge. Even ask my mom if you don't believe me. But I won a sour face contest with my picture and I became an "official pucker judge" for war heads. With that on my resume who could ever turn me down. Also if you want to pucker for me I will judge your pucker. And if you are a girl I might kiss you if you are ranking a ten and if your eyes are still closed. Just my advisory note.
Well fellow citizens, friends, and ETs. peace out and long live earth and its candy suppliers.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Peace is found under pillows!

DISCLAIMER: Has nothing to do with teeth, tooth fairies, chloroform, or hallucinations(well maybe that one isn't true).
Rain days rock. So sure they are gloomy, but i get work off for the day and i get to enjoy the rain. They don't give me work off for being to hot or cloudy, but i will take what i get. So today I did a lot of important nothing stuff. I paid my ticket for not wearing my seatbelt for one.
The Cop who literally pulled
my car over!
So i have had lot of tickets in my time. I got a couple speeding tickets, one which was 15 over in a school zone, was pricey. I have gotten out of a speeding ticket where i was going 18 over, and one where I ran a red light. Don't know how that one worked. I also have gotten like 10 parking tickets for parking the wrong way in a caldisack, parking too close to someones driveway, parking wrong at a meter, not paying for a meter, parking on a no park street, parking on the street during street sweeping day, and parking on the curb. So now i get a ticket for not wearing my seat belt, which is more like i hadn't gotten around to it, since i was leaving the parking lot. I also have been pulled over for having my license plate light out.
So what i am getting at, is that i only have 2 worthy tickets, the rest are sissy. I want a cool one like reckless driving, trying to run away from a cop, or just being too cool to drive. Something cool. I can imagine Jay walking will be my next petty offense.
So just had to vent some, because I feel like a Coca Cola that has been all shook up at times. So i would rather unscrew my own cap then make a mess of things on someones carpet.
My hand on left.
I don't know why i am bringing this up, but it is one of my top ten secrets about my life. It is funny though, so i will share it. When i was little i used to have panic attacks, which looking back they are a rush and crazy, but they were lame then. So you would be all chill and then BAM a panic attack, where you would panic. I remember running for like ten minutes between the garage and our front room in utter panic about nothing. It was tiring, but helped me stay in shape. Whoever said that mental disorders aren't healthy. However one time i had a panic attack and i thought i was turning into a girl. That was not healthy i can assure you. Then when i was mid attack my dad would shove my head under a pillow and although that sounds like abuse, it was helpful and they stopped.
I am better now, and my illness is gone, but I am still weird. So I can relate to mental illness people which is cool and I can say things like "I hear that", "word", "fo rissel", and "I know how that is." So if you are a girl that is cute and was attracted to me. Don't give up I am normal now with a mix of special. I can say i am a special human being without lying. So ask me out. Cuz even though i panic-ed about turning into a girl i didn't and I am a man.
They are trying to turn back into guys after
falling off the jungle gym.
Good Luck HOMIES!
And that whole thing came about because of a children's book. There was a boy who fell off a jungle gym and  kissed his elbow and turned into a girl. So then he had to fall again to turn back, which hurt. So this "children's book in reality scared the bergeebees out of me. Which that is not the correct way to spell that if you were wondering. Also for those who read avidly I am slightly sleep deprived hence the "two topic, comprehensive blog post."
Well now i am going to go look for pictures that relate, which will be an adventure all by itself.
Peace out my fellow rug rats?

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Seconds of Fat Boys!

    So my regularity in blog posts has been diminishing. And my dedication to naps has increased. These are two conflicting events that don't co-habitate well. But truth is i have not met any weird people doing art or attempting to fly off their roof with homemade wings. I have a huge tarp in my backyard and I am tempted to make it into a parachute. I found this sweet ledge for my final testings, but i need a less big ledge to test it on first. Wings would be too challenging, because i don't think the pvc structure will hold up under my weight.
     I am now 2 bucks and one. That i think means i weight 201 pounds. Which it would be legit to try and get down just under 200 and then always be eating enough food to keep me at exactly that weight and then i can renew my drivers license and put that on it.
     And why can't i say I weigh 2 century pounds. Why does that only apply to years. Or I ate a decade of "fat boys". That is an ice cream sandwhich for those organic people out there.
     So "fat boys" are great. And yes i am going to tell a story, which is better then a musical alternative, because i can't sing. So in my ninja turtle days (they are exist) approximately five waxing moons (the moon doesn't even have hair didn't the people know that before they named that, of were they referring to the man on the moon) after my mother's birthday. I hope this is comprehensible with all my interjections like this one. But I was at my Nana's house on my mom's side and I said "Grammy I desireth sugar" (not referring to the girl Sugar). So turns out the people who work at the "fat boy factory" (which might be tied to an ironic coincidence that is highly probable) live right across the street. This was the day me and "factory seconds" were introduced.
     I am adding a new paragraph so i can put pictures in easier:-). Anyways these things are amazing as all get out, meaning they are the shiz, which means I hope they cover me in factory seconds when i die because they are so fantastic. Definition of Factory Seconds: not very presentable delicious mess-ups or masterpieces of experimentation. So these fat boys have ice cream and a chocolate bread. Which if that came in a loaf count me in for buying that and putting nutella on it. But the great thing about these factory seconds is that sometimes you get 3 or four slices of chocolate bread in the wrapper of double the amount of ice cream. It is always a surprise but never a gamble. Not like a blind date, but like finding money on the sidewalk. You could be surprised by the money amount, but anything over a dollar and you feel amazing.
     So rereading this I realize that this is like boggle, jumbled thoughts everywhere. My epiphany is this. The more sleep i get the more random i get and the less sense i make. So if it makes sense then you know how sleep deprived i am by the degree of understandability (cool word that doesn't get the red line of wrongness under it). So this is backward to how it should be, but here is a glimpse into my brain. If anyone is certified to diagnose me properly and not to hurt my sensings (synonym for feelings); am I prone to ADD? And i am prone to adding (like koolaid or milk to cereal), so i was referring to the mind condition.
     Well home-slices, ladies, lasses, and lads i am signing off without really signing off.