Thursday, April 28, 2011

Choir skills = Zilch

Zilch means "none". So Zilch is from people combining "Zero" and "Nil". And who knows who added the "ch". Maybe it was "Ch"ris. Google just taught me that and good thing too, because i am guaranteed to sound smart when i whip out zilch history in the future. Oh and Nil is Latin of course since they created all words or so word history wants us to believe. Where did they get it from? Oh but nil is short for nihil. So when you play soccer next time tell everyone after you score that it is now one nihil, or one zilch, or one nothing. All will do!
     Choir time!!! So i couldn't wait to tell my choir story. So in high school I joined choir with some friends and I knew i was bad. My range or four notes made a huge impact on quality in that choir, and it wasn't for the better. I got put in at monotone base, which is a base with no range. That is what i refer to my singing voice as.
     There was this test we took, where he would go up and down on the piano one note at a time. We were supposed to write the notes down. Most people got them all right, but i usually got like 2 out of 20 because i guessed lucky.
Me crying after I was told
I couldn't sing good.
    So one day i decided to sing louder then normal, and put all my heart into it. My teacher kept pulling faces, but i thought it was a sore stomach or a face spasm. Then all of a sudden he calls out my name and says, "Brett, if you can't hit the notes don't sing." Well i thought i was hitting all the notes, but i guess wasn't. So i mouthed the words for the rest of the day and he complimented me after that. So i guess my silence is preferred in choir.
An audience that heard
me, but tried not to:-)
     I sang in the future just out of spite which is a funny idea. We changed to words of like every song to funny things. We would insert our own names and say "the hammer of Justine" instead of "the hammer of Justice". Or we sang "to all of Brett's mothers" instead of "to all of my brother". We sang that because people think i have like 10 moms because I am Mormon. P.S. I only have one and one sixteenths mothers. One sixteenths covers any estrogen my dad might produce, which is normal for guys i think. My point is that the teacher never noticed us changing the words, but he noticed me missing all the notes. Sad day.
     Really Choir is not for me in so many ways. Monotone and tone deft and antsy are just a few of the many reasons. I passed out during DARE (Drugs are really evil) graduation while singing, because i locked my knees. I fail at singing. So i passed high school choir because I brought in a box of Kleenexes. Who ever said extra credit wasn't worth it was wrong. Tissues saved my grade.
    So now I go to church and this girl keeps trying to talk me into joining choir. Every week i retell my music history and she just doesn't know how bad I am. On "Rockband" i get booed off so fast which takes talent to do. So anyways i tell the girl that I was meant to be a music listener, I was foreordained to it. I tell her that if everyone in the congregation joined the choir, it would defeat the purpose because it would be like singing a normal hymn where everyone stands up in their seats. So i continue my fight against singing.
    I have other stories which portray my talent as terrible even more, but that should be sufficient. I just think Haley stole all my musical talents as a kid and left me bare and desolate.

1 comment:

  1. haha brett, i get it now... singing isn't for you i guess... maybe next time we'll make you the lyric master?