Friday, May 6, 2011

Demon Goosen

So I started a new job working at a golf course. We start work at 5 which means i have to get up at the 4:15. "It is killing me softly with it's love." I am a night person so getting up and working 8 hours on 4 or less hours of sleep is hard. That means to get 8 hours of sleep i need to go to bed at 8 which means this is going to be a sleep deprived summer. That is a ton of 8s. Also they say we can play free golf, but after getting up that early, all i want to do after work is sleep. Then there is the cart girls. Supposedly there are some really cute ones, but i haven't seen any cute ones yet, but that is what i look forward to every day. Also like 5 people i work with pack dip and spit everywhere. I might start doing the same with chocolate to fit it. Kidding but there are three soon to be four Mormons working there including me, and that makes for good company.
So the craziest part of my job is mowing greens. We cut them everyday and you are suppose to cut lined patterns in them. The first day i couldn't see the lines, so i wore my glasses the next day, but now i think i am just blind. I just guess now when i cant see the lines. the grass is so short i don't know how anyone can, and mowing them at 5:30 in the morning in the dark of the night doesn't help.
Another funny thing is how the plague of a golf course is frost. We can't step on the grass if there might be frost. And if i mowed while frost was on a green i would lose my job. It is weird. My favorite job though is spinning bunkers so they look pretty. You get in a 3 wheeler with a rake on the back and you just do like tons of circles in the bunker till you get dizzy.
Obviously they can be aggressive!
Today at work i was driving a cart and i hear this hiss and i see a goose chasing me. It chased me over 100 yards i think, and that thing could run. I was terrified as if it was a ostrich. I had to keep jabbing a rake at it while driving, so it wouldn't attack me and bite me. I think it might have even had fangs. Maybe it was a waregoose or something and turns crazy when the sun is full. I named it Jacob (twilight) for that reason. I fenced it off and will always watch my back for Jacob coming at me for round two. I am going to carry a knife just in case he takes my rake and gets on top of me. I hope i don't become paranoid and discover something like goosphobia, a fear of goosen! They can fly is what is most terriflying (yes i meant to spell it like that). I feel like i am in that old movie Birds by Alfred Hitchcock. Who knew it would come true. I think i drove home fast enough to loose him, so at least Jacob doesn't know where i live. Tomorrow he is going down! And hopefully i don't run into Edward, his duck friend that I feel might also have violent tendencies. My co-worker just laughed at the situation and didn't help.
See i am not alone!
When i was younger we had a cabin in Island Park. One day we went down to the lake. I was having a jolly time when this happy dog started attacking me. It was riled up and it was clawing me. I tried to run but the dog was faster and it kept tackling me. I was it intense fear. It was a fully packed adrenaline moment. I was all flight in getting the heck away. I even jumped into the lake to get away to no avail. My family just stood there laughing and laughing. They still make fun of me today for it and i still hold a grudge. It was scaring and I decided bunnies and cats and geese were better animals after that, but geese are now cut from the list. Freaking animals!
I would be afraid of this chubby guy fo sho.
Peace out, and if you see me getting chased by anything feel free to help and get on my best friends list.


  1. hahahah maybe you should buy a flexible cage the size of your body so that the birds can't attack you...

  2. That's funny... I heard the Island Park dog story a little differently. You describe it like a trailer for some hor :) flick when I remember it being a romantic comedy.

  3. hmm anonymous heard it this way? This is either my sister Katie or nate weatherford. I am guessing nate.